Tea With Lacus Clyne
by Juniper35
Summary: Yzak shares a blissful afternoon tea with his idol Lacus Clyne. Afterwards, he hits a raw nerve while talking to Dearka. YAOI.


This is no.9 "Jealousy" in the list of 20 fanwork fiction themes from the Dearka/Yzak site "Deep Emotion."

**Tea With Lacus Clyne**

Dearka pulled up at the bottom of the Clyne residence steps and Yzak trotted down to meet him, an uncharacteristically happy, slightly stunned look on his face.

_In fact he looks like he's almost floating down them_, thought Dearka with well-concealed amusement.

The afternoon tea must have lived up to expectations. And that was saying something, because Yzak's expectations of this visit with Lacus, his idol, had been sky high.

Yzak opened the door of the topless convertible and slid in beside Dearka.

Dearka smiled. "Well, how did it go? Did you get the autographed picture?"

"I got better than that. Have a look at this!"

Clutched in Yzak's hand was a tiny pink music disk case. Its lid was decorated with an embedded hologram of Lacus Clyne. As Dearka watched, the image blinked and smiled at him. An invisible breeze caused the long pink tresses to float a little around the pretty face. It was a superbly executed image, Dearka had to admit, but the sheer 'sugary-ness' of it made him feel like gagging a bit. Obviously that was not how Yzak saw it. He was gazing in admiration at the little object on his palm.

"Ah, yeah, that's very nice, Yzak. What is it precisely?"

"It's the latest collection of her most popular hits, deluxe edition. They only made 100 like these as collectors' items. Her foundation is auctioning them for charity, but she kept back a few for gifts to special fans…."

Dearka's eyebrows rose but he refrained from comment. Since Ezalia Joule's fundraising group had started to cooperate with Lacus' charity foundation there had been quite a lot of contact between Lacus and Yzak's mother. Ezalia was too politically savvy to let past conflict get in the way of current goals. Dearka wasn't sure if Lacus was simply idealistically forgiving or equally pragmatic. You could never tell with Lacus. He'd seen her morph from butterfly to ship commander and back again. However it certainly looked as if Ezalia had used her new access to get Yzak some extra brownie points with Lacus. Well, if it kept the Joule boy happy….

"That's great, Yzak. How 'bout we take a run up to the cliffs and watch the setting sun? Be nice to get a bit of air, and afterwards I'll buy you dinner. And yes, you will pick out the restaurant, so there will be no repeat of last time, OK?"

Normally this reminder of their somewhat disastrous last dining-out experience would have produced a certain retrospective huffiness on Yzak's part, but he seemed too mellow to react today.

"All right. I'll go along with that programme."

Dearka smiled. Not unbridled enthusiasm, but certainly good enough. He gunned the engine and the car rolled down the Clyne driveway…

As they made their way up the winding highway to the cliffs Dearka kept his speed to a moderate level. He had to judge a fine line here. If he went too fast, Yzak would complain of feeling cold and demand the top be put up; if he went too slow, Yzak's hair wouldn't stream back from his face the way Dearka liked to watch it doing….

Dearka wondered if Yzak suspected his fascination with the profile of Yak's hair and face when they were travelling with the car's top down. It brought out the beauty of Yzak's looks. _Like a living cameo, _Dearka thought. He dared not mention it to his often-irascible partner but it always added extra enjoyment to his driving when the weather was warm.

They reached the viewing area at the top of the cliffs slightly early for sunset-watching. Only the first hint of the warm colours to come, were evident in the late afternoon sky. Yzak had gradually grown more thoughtful and less blissful as the drive continued. He'd said very little: random tiny replies to remarks made by Dearka. He was obviously starting to brood over something.

"So, what did you and Lacus talk about all that time?"

Yzak blinked, and returned from whatever distant planet he had been on. "Well, if you wanted to know all the details, you should have come yourself. You were invited, too!" he said in mildly acid tones. "In fact, she asked after you. 'Old battle comrades,' remember?" Dearka definitely heard an even stronger edge in Yzak's voice in that last comment.

This oblique reminder of the first war, when Dearka had defected to the Clyne Faction, leaving Yzak and ZAFT, could still cause pain at unexpected moments, even after seven years had elapsed. It might well always be like that between them. It was one of the reasons that Dearka hadn't wanted to accept the joint invitation that Lacus had made to them.

He decided to try to ignore the reference. "Yeah, well, I'm not as much of a fan as you are, Yzak. I didn't want to cramp your style."

This was in fact a part of the reason, too. He knew that without his restraining presence, Yzak would be much freer to enjoy himself and be a drooling bedazzled fanboy. There had been no other guests present at the afternoon tea. A one-on-one visit with Lacus Clyne was a sort of musical wet dream for Yzak. No way was Dearka ever going to describe it in those terms to him, of course. Dearka wanted to keep his head on his shoulders. And his bedroom privileges.

Yzak got a bit of the glow back for a moment as he relived the visit. "She sang for me. It was like a mini private concert, right there across the tea-cups. Her voice is so pure, so pitch-perfect, she doesn't need any musical backing. She sang a couple of my favourites, and then she did a new song she's been working on. It's not out yet; she's still working on the arrangement for it. She said she'd value my opinion about it."

"And was it good?"

"Yes. Of course it was good! Everything she does is good, moron! I'm sure it will be a hit, and I told her so."

Dearka smiled. Good, they seemed to be leaving the dangerous ground. "So you talked about music the whole time, then."

Yzak's face clouded with sombre anger. "No. She also told me a piece of personal news. She's getting married – to the Strike."

Even after all these years, despite having become a sort of ally if not friend of Kira Yamato, Yzak occasionally called him by the name which had been the focus of his hatred so long ago.

Dearka shrugged. He didn't see why Yzak was treating this as such a big deal. Lacus and Yamato had been shacked up together down on that island for years, now. In fact, now that he thought about it, he realised that the music company that marketed Lacus' work must have had publicists preparing the ground for some sort of announcement.

There had been a piece that featured in the media a few weeks back, with never-before-released details of the famous 'Lacus Clyne Incident', describing her rescue from being a hostage on an Earth Alliance ship. Except in the updated version, Kira Yamato had been presented as the hero, nobly handing Lacus back to her fiancé Athrun. It had even been hinted that Yamato was smitten with her at the time. Hell, for all Dearka knew it might even have been the truth. It certainly made a nice romantic story, and presented the still-controversial Yamato in the best possible light to the PLANT public.

"Well, it's only to be expected. They've been a couple for quite a while, now, Yzak."

Yzak glared, his normally pale face oddly flushed. "It's such a fucking waste, Dearka!"

Dearka's eyebrows rose. "A waste? I don't get it, Yzak. Who else would you want her to marry? Athrun?" and breaking into a chuckle, "You?"

Yzak's glare went on high beam. Fierce blue crystals of rage that bored into Dearka's eyes. "Athrun Zala is even more of a punk than Yamato. He had his chance and he didn't take it."

Yzak squared his jaw. "Yes, if I had to marry a woman, I'd marry Lacus Clyne. I have a tremendous admiration for her both as an artist and as a person. Homosexual men have married and raised families throughout history. Why should I be any different, if it came to that?"

Dearka couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're joking, aren't you?" 

Yzak glared. Then his face settled into a look of deadly earnestness. "No. Why would I joke about something as important as that? I'm not saying I'm in love with her; but she is someone I could make a life with, if I had to."

Dearka felt as if the bottom had dropped out of his stomach. He never thought that Yzak, **his** Yzak would ever say something like that. He felt an irrational anger and hurt. _What about me, Yzak? What would I have without you?_

Normally Dearka would have cracked a joke about something like this, to relieve the tension between them. But this conversation had unexpectedly touched something raw inside him that he had not even been aware of, before that moment.

He grated: "So what would I be in your little married-to-Lacus scenario then? The boyfriend on the side?"

Yzak shook his head angrily. "No. I don't believe in screwing around in relationships, you know that."

"So you'd chuck me for Lacus Clyne?"

"Well, isn't that what happened with you and Miriallia Haw?" Yzak snarled, clenching his fists in his lap. The little music disk case now lay forgotten beside him on the seat.

Dearka felt as if he's suddenly run into a brick wall he hadn't even known was there. _Where the hell did that come from?_

"That was different, Yzak, and you know it. My head was messed up; there was a lot of stuff going on - it was the middle of a war, for fuck's sake! It was not a fucking marriage undertaken in cold blood!" Dearka realised he was almost yelling.

Yzak snarled back, "You dismiss it very easily, but it was a pretty big deal for you at the time."

Dearka felt as if he had stepped into a nightmare. How had they got from the mild euphoria of a sunny afternoon, to this bleak patch of their personal history? As if to mock his thoughts, the expected sunset colours, warm orange and gold, were now washing generously across the sky.

Desperate to convince him, Dearka reached out to grip Yzak's hand.

"That's the past, Yzak, and not even a very big piece of it, when you consider all the years you and I have had together, before and since. You are my present, and I hope, my future. I- this talk about you and Lacus…Hell, Yzak….I love you. "

Dearka couldn't find any more words. He could feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

Yzak looked hideously uncomfortable at this uncharacteristic outburst from his usually laid-back partner. For a moment Dearka thought he might pull his hand away. He stared at Dearka, his rapid angry breathing the only sound in the silence. And then his hand returned the pressure of the clasp.

"Yeah, I know that," he growled. "But it doesn't stop painful memories."Yzak shrugged tiredly, the anger slipping from him. "I guess it's like the combat flashbacks…"

Dearka knew exactly what he meant. To this day, both of them occasionally had vivid nightmares in which they relived moments from the wars that their conscious minds would much rather forget.

Yzak looked up at the sky. "You know, I've just remembered that I hate fucking sunsets, too. More crap memory associations!"

He saw the question flicker in Dearka's eyes. He shook his head in dismissal. "No. Nothing we need talk about. Like you said: just the past."

He suddenly gave a darkly amused snort. "So, you're jealous of Lacus. I never knew that before."

Embarrassed, Dearka gulped. "I didn't know it before, either, Yzak. I- when you went into the hypothetical marriage-scenario thing, I lost it."

Yzak gave his hand a squeeze. "Well, now you know how I've felt sometimes."

The words were carefully leached of emphasis, almost gentle, but there was still a look of grim satisfaction on Yzak's face. It was the first time Dearka had ever heard Yzak actually admit to feeling jealous.

Dearka watched the way Yzak's hair shone in the mellow golden light. "I guess jealousy is the flip-side of love," he mused.

"Shit, that sounds like something from a corny song, Dearka."

But Yzak's voice was soft for once, taking the bite from his words. Suddenly he took a deep breath. "Let's get the fuck out of here and go have that dinner you promised me. Can you drive this bloody contraption one-handed?"

Dearka smiled in puzzlement. "Yeah, sure, Yzak. Why?"

"Well, I **am** still holding your hand, idiot. I might continue to do so for a while longer, if you didn't need it, that is…?"

Dearka took a deep healing breath. "That would be my pleasure, Yzak."

The car pulled slowly out of the viewing area and began the long descent to the conurbation below. _It's not quite the stereotype_, thought Dearka, giddily. _Normally the happy couple go hand in hand __**into **__the sunset, not away from it. And being Yzak Joule, the hands are being discretely held where there is no chance of anybody seeing them…. But as a happy ending, it's pretty bloody close._


End file.
